You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
