This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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