we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
