Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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