Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
