when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
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Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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