i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
