My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
