I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
