Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
