I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
