We're like a lot better than the average bears
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
