Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
