I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
