Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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