I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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