Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
