we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
