And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
