I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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