and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
