I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
