i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
