i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
