i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
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