Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
