I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
