May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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