his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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