I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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