i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
