i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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