Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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