bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
