It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
