i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
