Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I met the friendliest cop last night
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
