I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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