ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
pray to the hookup gods
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize