OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
