I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just invented taco cereal.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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