if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
