his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
