I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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