Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
