Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
