I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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