What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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