didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
