I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
