There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
