she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
