Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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