you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She has the best kind of daddy issues
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
