what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
