Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
