So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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