So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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