Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
