Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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