Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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