So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
