my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
