you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just had sex on a roof
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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