No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
