Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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