I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I didn't notice because vodka
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
