Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
