Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
