There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
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I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
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I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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