is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
