"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
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A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
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I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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