I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
