see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
