She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The Olympian is in my bed
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
