She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
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Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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