im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
