the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
