I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
