thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
