All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
