New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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