What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
