i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
