Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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