I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
