"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I've blown a few things in my day
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
