We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
